… I’m sitting here alone …
In the dormitory, watching the rain out there is little separation, feelings get cold April afternoon, I thought about you, a close friend, will never change …
G. Oh …!
Maybe I did not think about you for so long … But why? Now, I figure suddenly back in my mind … … very clear, so true … so, I seem to see you’re next, but I know that’s just my memory, can not touch be.
The room is too quiet today, no rain is still tormented him, I can not see the big mountains far away, I only see the old pine stand on a hillside before playing with hand, the raindrops … I feel lonely, I felt a bit cold, cold rain, cold, distant relatives of sadness, something very restless … Something in your mind wander … …
Years students, those in the most beautiful, most fun. I was close friends and family. I was playing, the studies that do not have to worry about anything else. I was so carefree innocence. And also beautiful in those days, I knew I was loved. Love came to me quietly, quietly, very quietly, and when I clearly was also a time to be away from you …
G. remember it?
I know you from the start of class 1, we know very little ones, do not understand why I hate G. at the elementary school years, hate stubborn or think to yourself again, as there do not like G. ever. When the school changed everything, everyone is your best friend.
Grade 6, as we begin to become him, but only in the voice of teachers, as well as we know to the new age of the pupil. Grade 6, the first time I took the word of a loving daughter. A close friend, my love for her very normal as other friends, she once wore to get my shoulder. I refused coldly: “life expectancy between men and women any body ‘… I say that, among your group learn together without taking a second thought. When I think back, did I realize that’s the way silently speak of a girl, I have a problem with her because she was ashamed to do, but I only see her as you, I do not feel happy if she likes me. But I’m not a shame her, I also blame a lot of friends, her eyes looked at me after class that can contain little sad, little disappointed, I want to apologize … Perhaps the feelings of girls to boys earlier than us, then I had no idea where my evil so naive, I just always considered them as friends.
I know I not handsome, I shy capital, weak again nothing outstanding apart from the usual stupid statement to make other people happy, I sing or not, just know that doing the chore, I would dig out or ladies, but for me, I never break G. well as the other never, I do not want you sad, angry children. Unlike me, though not high, but they are very pretty, smart, good student, very good song, I love my singing, I like to see you smile, cute smile … Inside and outside the classroom has many sons to pursue, it made me uncomfortable, I’d just like each of my children, but why is that? My child is not never …
I know, he’s very good friends I loved G., sometimes, I had to retreat, but my feelings for you not to allows it, also the reason I do not want people to know I love you. I always loved you in silence, many times I’ve refused to go my love for you before class. After that, I regret, very tormented.
The child hunger, sometimes unreasonable, erratic makes me very angry, but do not know why, my anger is over very quickly, and I feel love you more later. I’m not too crazy, I can laugh when people are crying because of you. But you, when you are angry with me for so long, like the rain outside a little cup, then stopped cold air but its still stand, makes me uncomfortable, but I want to dispel, I had to wait for the fast passes.
In grade 7, the day before my daughter was asked for the transfer layer. In that year, my teacher was about to sit between me and one other girl. Because the teacher shall I talk junk, so lazy loading I like to improve. Initially, in my eyes, she is a true competitor, always makes me hard, they learn best in class, I’m back better than in many other subjects, always catch me doing all the homework assigned, you may be covered Hide my wrong ever. But do not know since when in my eyes I have become to me chase, I run in, on academic achievement as well as something else that I may reach. I have learned so well in those subjects, I have overcome them in the subjects that, to show he was not inferior to his daughter, but I can not do better than you in social skills, you too but genuine. Do not know ever since, I feel close to me, I felt the teacher was right when I decided to study next to you, but what did I know that because she likes me a chance.
From an elementary school I hated, I have become close friends to chat with me, then an indispensable beside me, told me, then I’m happy to be learning together with I was a long time happiness. Sometimes I felt something in your eyes when you look at me, very gentle, very friendly, makes me want to say `I love G. ‘, But I do not speak. Grade 8, Grade 9, emotionally we seem to have surpassed friendship, I feel that from the interest of G. for me and also with my own heart. I know, I fell in love. But I fear, my parents did not allow me to ask when going to school, it’s too soon, my emotional self defense that was just friendship. Since I have never loved anyone should know what is love? I’m very naive, like the G. I do not want, then I very dwarf, dwarf than the G.. I do not want to talk like G. at that time.
There are memories that I can hardly forget, the second semester, during a class meeting, the teacher to students opportunities to be changed as desired seats. Because they want to show, I asked the teacher to change. Honestly, I just wanted to probe who was watching G. would like. I saw G. seems sad, I saw her at your side of G. also very sad. I know she likes me, G. also in love with me but I was just like a G.. It was the first act stupid that I regret, really regret. I remember what you had asked me at that time: `You may think carefully …». Let me respond again.
After that, though not to sit next to G. Also, instead of my guy friends. I was not talking to me as much as before. I did not say `I love you ‘in the school year because I know, we are still learning together. I still have plenty of opportunities. And I’m still not clear which is love.
Another time, during the first week saluting in grade 8, the red phoenix trees signal the coming summer, in English ve tingling, I told you that I love a girl. I asked someone I like, I was just a girl the other classes, I was just joking, I’d say that truth is you … Then I see you sad, do not you tell me any more questions, I do not want to fix my voice, I do not want a guy to lie in your eyes. Between me and you suddenly appeared around invisibly …
Up grade 10, we have become her, the boy really. Is at G. started wearing a long white shirt slender. I am really shocked the first time you wear long, really, I was even more beautiful now than pretty much makes my heart was jumping off my chest, I do know I like to watch her through the dress that she seems? Do not know why, I just like looking at G. than hundreds of other girlfriends.
Grade 11, Communications and sing very well, often appearing with his classmates in art school at night. Strange, my class who also sing very well, everyone has complaints arts, just a me, singing is very bad. I never sing, I sing so I did not want to learn, be my road to G. and you sing. Will replace the sound of my voice, it will fly the other voice. But the truth, I never offline for G. sing a whole …
Grade 12, our class has changed markedly in physiological. G. become a you
ng woman, the more you are gorgeous, more beautiful. G. has straighteners. Perhaps straighteners for many people is a normal but for me, my straighteners mark a major change. At first I love you is to love their simple definition, I do not much makeup, but still stand out among people, innocent children in the morning. Now, I know makeup, grooming know better than to add, I was always the most beautiful in my eyes but it made me worry, I’m afraid my feelings are not true, I was afraid that her soft eyes I will make you look slipped away as suddenly the other hair. In the picture I painted my stolen days before, I love it curved hair flowing naturally careful grooming, is now gone, but her hair was still evident in my photographs. Longer hair, the other stretching, sometimes I feel fake, it’s not with you, I do have the guts to say it. What is my child ever?.
I like pink, you bring the supplies usually pink. G. I prefer not to know what color? Blue, the color of the sky, the color of the vast sea, that never changes color, I like live ones over time. But the other pink behind it is something light, not dots for breaking intensity, hold it floating traveler, I have never liked the color pink. But I like, I say: “I also liked»
and I would like.
At 12, the class we were last together, after 12 years together with the school. Died together, this is probably only true for our sons. Or disruptive should be together sometimes suffer the consequences. Grade 12 is the last time I could speak love. Puberty later than all my peers, then a new child and say I realized I was much higher, I shy when I approached to talk to you, just the two of us. Of course, I have not told me anything other than learning something. Because I know, but do not tell us, we know that love exists.
Many times I want to say like G., but interfered with the other children, those interested in preventing nasal term momentum, also may be because I have not enough confidence, courage to speak out of it with you, front of your classmates, previous boy friend also likes me.
Playing together, struggling to cope with the post advanced training immense, I do not know about right away G., I never thought about. I am not prepared to speak love. I know, G. waiting for me, I will agree when I speak. I know you love me, I confess I’m waiting. Many times do I have small items to get you pretty pretty small, but when you see, I lied. That material was to hand, but I gave her other friends, to escape my true feelings, I know I am very sad. I’m stupid.
G. do not know when we see children drawing contest for college architecture, I also learned to draw without losing G. .. I was rejected from his IT dream to be able to learn together with G.. I love to draw, but I’m not interested in architecture. I know it is industry that many people desire, but I do not like to confess, I never said that to anyone. By far I do not want to G., I do not want people saying I’m stupid, I simply want to learn together with people I like, I simply have the ability and the guts to study architecture. If you are in school and college, I will not ask too early to speak now, I think so, I always try to hide anything, I always have a way to shove, I come again, I’m really bad. .. I also register for the exam preparation Cours G. overtime with, except for social skills … you go to that.
In the list of students studying abroad, I have. I tried hard not to lose G. , Although the city had to re-register my way very far from where they learn, but I still have many opportunities. But suddenly I will not say, I am a bit disappointed, but I still decided to go flying, not stay, I will come to a different horizon. I want more people to come as I will have the courage to say love. To some point, you have my admiration as I watch you look at school.
When we split the class, very sad, but whom did not even cry, we break up in the joy; perhaps only those friends together through 12 years understand the new study, far apart but we still think about each other. Festival meal that day, I put my pen to write memories flow, I still remember, my last question is a message “when you see these words will be written next unfinished ‘. Initially, she insisted I write with it, as I wrote ‘I love G. than anyone on earth ‘, I hold the pen in his hand. Looks like you have to understand, then we will not be any time together as students, I have decided to leave, I decided to stay, maybe I’ll forget you, you will not remember me. I was quietly folded the unfinished book diary, turned step. I sat there … I know this is last chance to meet and say I love you.
After that I no longer see G. again.
I fly away, go find a new horizon, a future I can not get if they stay home. I know, I want to go to school but as a girl, the team never sunny mist, can hardly bear the original home hard, parents also have advised me to stay. You told me to stay off school and going to university graduate had just finished. 5 years, G. has promised me that. But I am afraid, in five years that I would lose you.
When coming here, I try to forget you to focus on learning the more sad because I will know more as I remember. I know the children, knew very well, so I do not expect anything, I do not expect you remember me. First time, we still write each other often, less and less … and now you go away too, I heard a little about you, I’ll probably miss you.
I know, five years later, when I met him, we can only see each other as friends. 5 years enough to change a person, enough to erase a love of books. We are still very young, we could change very easily. I just want to save some memory of me, so I wrote him a letter, hoping to have as you read and understand my feelings, to know that I love you. The letter I wrote him a long time. Since last 12 years … I never had the chance to send it back to me, I brought it with me, I’ve written many times to write when I miss you. Sometimes I have to tell you that I prefer blue over pink across it!
2 years passed, I still do not have good performance because I wanted to wait probably due I then started to like the day before, because my children that effort, to strive for more children. But now, not next to me but I decided to focus on learning, I will for the family, for the future. I decided to forget you, leave the architecture, I will move into IT, where I had wanted. I do not want more children the little things anymore, I’ve changed … a lot of it. Right?
If someday, I forgot, I’ll see old memories as a dream student passed. I know, I will hardly forget her, I never accepted any other girl.
If you accidentally do not love me anymore, if you accidentally say that I love single means … I will not be angry with me and watch as it was an accident is unavoidable in life. But I still hope that three years later, she will fly to this land with me, together we will learn, you will again be my enemy like the old days. And then I’ll say I love you I love you very much. Hopefully … I’ll wait for me three years.
No matter what I still want to see you again someday, I’ll write more entries unfinished lines was: “We are friends forever, love That feeling never changed